I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Alive.
So much puke
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
