if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
