I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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