yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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