nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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