dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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