I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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