Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm sobbing to NWA
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
