when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Randomize
