in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i need some magic done to my vagina
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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