just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
