why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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