Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
