You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you traded sex for a burrito?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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