He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
bring money and cleavage
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
