i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
