Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
