you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
