just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
