It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
