i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
