So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
