I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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