I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
