you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
