The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
They took my balls.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
