She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
