Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
