the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
