He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just want to make out with him forever
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
