so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
tequila makes me forget i have legs
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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