Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
