I just gift wrapped bread.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
