Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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