My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
