Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
