You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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