i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
