Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
