yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
