She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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