A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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