dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
