Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Drake has all the answers
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Text me some of your sweat
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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