Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
