I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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