You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we're making bets on your personal life
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
