Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
