i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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