Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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