just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
