so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
