Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
how does that bad decision feel?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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