bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
