Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
