haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
