Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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